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bah! [10 Feb 2008|11:03am]
[ mood | tired ]

I've just realised; Valentines day I will be spending it traveling down to london, its only just hit....bah! Not that im one for usually celebrating it, but it would be nice to be coupley.

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If man is still alive... [30 Jan 2008|10:20am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

A nice weekend was had back down south. It was rather nice to spend what should have been some time off as a form of escapism in France instead down south again to Salisbury plain. Stopping this time in Salisbury itself as a base and traveling out from it. Friday work was the usual oddness. Well actually a nice surprise was had with an old colleague turning up to help out so a bit of a natter was had before legging it from Broomhill to the station. In true Sheffield 'road-work' style. The new fountains by the station appeared to be broken already with work going on, the smoke/mist machine off-line and the fountains dry.  Then off to West to Chester...

The evening was spent having a rather nice meal before retiring for the evening. Up yet again un-godly early as has been the pattern of the week and off down south making good time and there for just after midday. A nosey at a few garden centers on route and the evening spent in Salisbury with another rather interesting meal watching the chav-mobiles attend some function and an odd number of police pushing on skate-boarders but as per usual ignoring the chavs.

Sunday saw a trip to Stourhead gardens and house, the house being shut but a nice nosey, in decent weather around the grounds, looking and the odd and interesting species of trees as well as the rather beautiful architecture that to be honest to a degree resembled something that could have been planted here by an other wordly species in design with steampunk inclinations... (though they do say they are already among us).

The evening was an odd one. Spent eating an picnic by starlight over looking Stonehenge and glimpsing the first shooting star I've seen in a few years before retiring to a pub to watch some interesting and good kareoke (thankfully me not singing as can't). The evening though ended emotionally horribly for me having a panic attack, trying to hide it and then making matters worse by just turning numb and cold to the world. Sadly a feeling that hasn't left.

Monday, a drive back up north and eventually into sheffield for just gone 8. A quick few drinks with a mate in the dove and home to pass out watching family guy at about 2am. Yesterday a brief trip into town then home applying for jobs. Don't recon I got the Stockport thing though they did say they are 'still interviewing'.  Finding some old stuff, as well as old photos of myself when I was a healthier body size and rather more content ended the nigth sadly on some 1980s styled cocktail longing to escape and yet again another panic attack.  Up today, off to town shortly to see Vicky, then off to London tomorrow to spend time with Dutch and the gang for a week before he moves to Oz. Not sure really though, be glad to escape for a bit. But still, think I'd rather just escape full-stop.

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the tales of an intrepid explorer? [24 Jan 2008|04:11pm]
[ mood | amused ]

So, according to onestrangerover the weekend previous involved being a rather intrepid explorer. Now why can't I shake an image of silly hats, odd same colour clothing and conversations involving large mainly latin words...So yes, after a rather plesent evening meal saturday in Sheffield and meeting with the 'usual suspects of Lincoln Uni' for a catch up we headed south come sunday morning. The day was a dodge of rain showers with a call at the HDRA gardens looking slightly more brown than green but still nice for a wander. Quickly then onto The Rollright Stones for a good look and nosey about via Cropredy (must get to the festival finally this year!). After this we headed to the White Horse at Uffington. My first time to this monument for want of a better word and it is breathtaking (the strong wind rising up the hill helped this also) but its understandable why such a place still holds mysticism and charm. A total escapist landscape. A quick strangerover detour, this time planned. We came across a ROC bunker, one to have a nosey at later again in the year. Light and weather permitting. Oh a quick blow of the blowing stone, producing no sound on my part...why am I always thwarted by inanimate objects or furry small things....Im sure, sometime, somewhere a forfiet would have been issued to me for such a thing

Back up the motorway after a nice mexican in Oxford and a nosey around. Its changed again, though saying that it was about four/five years I was last there.

Back to work monday and tuesday with getting rather pissed up manicness in the pub tuesday night, not had a hangover that lasted till the early evening the day after in ages. Brief trip in sheffield (as much as body and guts would allow) wednesday morning to buy train ticket for another intrepid explore this weekend and then back home. The evening saw the MRI scan, can safley say its an odd sensation having ACDC pipped into your ears as you have a high energy magnet vibrate, clunk and whirl around you.

Today, another day off so spring clean and abit of art work on the go, feel rather sloggish though, then work early tomorrow. Been roped into the earlier morning shift then westwards via train come the evening. Next week off work till the 10th, so probably London is on the cards...

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[21 Jan 2008|06:31am]
[ mood | good ]

Bah! Wrong side of 7, actually wrong side of 6....Bah!

Nice weekend though, will update later or soon :-)


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that was the week so far... [17 Jan 2008|03:52pm]

So, time for another update, now that it seems Ive possibly scared a few people. I really didn’t mean too. It just sort of happened. Its been one of those weeks you know; where all you want to do is lock the door, hide and hope nobody remembers your address and phone number. Perhaps this might explain?

Anyway, one is still here, just. So yes, After the fun of the weekend and generally the madness of the interview last week and getting stuff sorted. Suppose this week, has been a bit of an anti climax in the ‘on the go’ sense. Still not heard ought about the job but doubt I will till next week. But I do hope I get it, I need a change, I’ve decided and I can’t stick it any longer in a job I truly don’t care for. Monday so the hospital. This in itself was interesting, they are unsure now what I keep describing is a problem with the arm, other than the now known tendon damage/strain in the wrist and in fact that it could be a squeezed or once squeezed nerve in the neck or head somewhere, which in turn would possibly pose an un-correctable problem. Thus there has been a very early discussion of being put on a 25mg dose min of amitriptolene to totally null the nerve responses. Which seeing the side effects first hand on a few people, to be honest has sacred me sh*tless. I don’t want to become nulled.

So yes, that was Monday, since then each day except last night has basically been the same, up early with arse end of stinking cold, go to work, do work at boots serving posh-git customers and students before going to pub, get tipsy, coming home and then doing it all again. I think this itself on repeat hasn’t helped feeling like poo.

Today though was my day off, no lay-in though, up and getting work ready to post off to Jenifer Sanderson in Nottingham so she can hopefully sell some work for me. Only about 15 designs but if even two sell I’d have made as much money as a month at boots. After sorting this out and battling the ‘laws of parcel force’. One returned to the makeshift gym, need to try and shift these wobbly bits I’ve acquired and try to feel sexy again.


Off out for granddads birthday tonight for a few hours, so at least something of a change. Not sure what I really want to do for the weekend.

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Money, money, money [13 Jan 2008|01:53pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

A few days of traveling when one is burning a slight temperature and feels as though you've been kicked a few times in the chest is usually something I would not advise. However pill me up and add the stress of a job interview and somehow the last few days have happened. Thursday, at work as always was rather dull, usual stuff of snotty nosed customers (got to love the horsey set, especailly the ones that turn up in there Chelsea tractors, in riding gear, to drop of some photos...) Shame they weren't that good looking and just had an un-fetishesque air of a headtutor about them...Which reminds me....anyone know any sellers of school styled blazers/trousers...odd request I know, but for a photo shoot.

Anyway, so yes, friday. I had an interview for Whitworth and Lewis, a hand-painted wallpaper design studio in Hazel Grove (cheshire for my friends not of the locality on here...looks at the americans :p).  It went well I think, it was slightly what I expected and a lot unlike what I had prepared for. It was increadible relaxed, but as usual I stumbled a little. They did seem keen though, they have two vacancies going for in-house designers and want me to email some more work and will get back to me in the next week or so (theyre in NYC this week). The evening was spent with friends, dodging the 'bright young emo things' in the Dove. It struck us who disturbingly one particular person that one other particular person fancies looks alittle too much like Avril Lavigne...yes you know who you are...the shame :P And after quite a few pints onto making things with paper and scaring bar staff by appearing to give them roses.

Saturday morning up with a feeling of 'ugh my head' and off to Manchester for the day to meet up with a mate, a nosey round the City Gallery allowed me to see the restoration of William Etty's 'The Sirens and Ulysses'  before a spot of lunch and trying not to get a wrap down oneself in a  rather ungraceful style. Why must I always pick to eat comical food? Saying goodbye and onto the Cornerhouse for a look at their exhibition and to pick up a copy of selvedge magazine. Sadly forsaking certaon 'brown parcel' shopping for a few weeks one headed to paperchase to pick up some art supplies and have a nosey around the markets before returning to sheffield for about 5ish.

In last night, and after three rather long lasting migraines one eventually passed out, after introducing beer around 2am..(I need to loose this beer overhang by whitby!). A rather long lay-in today for me, actually sleeping past 9am all the way till midday. Suppose I need it. Though woek up with a sore and slightly grazed/torn top lip so god knows what I did in the night. This afternoon sees a trip to the Manor (in sheffield dears, not a rather posh estate house...say it in the grace of T' M-ah-n-aa) before heading to quizzicles tonight and oh, look, even more ale...hmmm

Oh also found the photos from Paris last feb, quite tempted to go back, aslong as nobody tries to buy me again, funny story...ask me sometime...*coughs*

Hospital tomorrow...Im still in the mood for a cuddle, and a few other things, but a cuddle will serfice...all night long...

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[09 Jan 2008|07:06pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So, rather than leaving books I ended up being transferred, now stationed at the rather small but interestingly dull broomhill branch of the store. Obviously though this transfer was going to be on my terms so a reduction in hours (and sadly reduction in pay) which gives me more time to work in the design work and more time to apply for art based vacancies as well as actually gather some sort of normality of a life, including a social life at weekends at present.

 Anyway, the weekend was a little of a no brainer to be honest. Went out Friday evening from work with the gang and ended up feeling rather ill, before promptly being rather ill and in bed asleep by 10pm. Saturday morning up and into town to raid the art stores (and spend stupid amounts) and buy a few cds in Oxfam. The evening after a few ciders with emma we headed home and bunged on a dvd and chilled out to music. Sunday up and after watching shortbus (yes it maybe xtube put to an indie-film format…but the couples are cute!) I popped emma on the bus and started to cover myself in paint.

 Back to work Monday, with a chest infection and general gunky nastiness. Still feel rather rough. It makes me laugh, im hardly expecting to stay at broomhill long, but they’re adamant on training me on photographic, im now customer care advisor and being given my own section…perhaps I should tell them I am leaving asap…oh well than god for weeks notice. Oh funny and disturbing thing about photographic is being shown and putting into sue what we legally can’t sell after printing. (possibly useful to know that nudity we can’t sell of any kind) and if by magic today had a lesbian porn shoot and some blokes penis…

 On a rather different tangent. I have a job interview this coming Friday, at a wallpaper design firm in Stockport…so slowly moving west instead of south is a possibility…hoping I get it, see what Friday yields. Tempted to come to Manchester on Saturday for a nosey round the gallery and shops and nab a drink then hospital again Monday.

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Irony [02 Jan 2008|08:40pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Irony is: Ie been offered a job at broomhill at boots for three days of work, Im going to take it till I find better, I told them this, its three days as stated and (incl) every other saturday, and no sundays. Its better than going on the dole or sick and generates a form of income to play with till manchester/london... But am I mad........?

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[01 Jan 2008|06:04pm]
[ mood | smitten ]

So a rather nice relaxed and dare one say romantic new years evening for two here in swallownest. After a rather boring and tiresome day at work one returned home and set about becoming the new slut in the kitchen (Nigella eat your heart out) and rustling up a meal for us both and laying the table. The evening could not have been spent better, a nice meal (even if I do say so myself) with gooseberry wine in obviously excellent company. After the manicness of last new years and being a million miles away it was nice to spend this one with him. So yes, the evening after food involved a good giggle at the Monty Python evening on television before watching the fireworks over sheffield before retiring to bed.

Today a lay-in, then this afternoon virtual veg-out, watched the simpsons movie  which is good f not a little odd and applied for a few jobs in London.

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[30 Dec 2007|08:20pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So to sum up yesterdays little outburst before passing out with the laptop and the vodka, yesterday at work I got called a incomputant f'ing twit by two customers, had two other arsey ones and then (meant in a nice way) asked why I don;t do anything better with my life. So yes, as you can imagine last night, ended up down and pissed off so just ended up curling up and sleeping.

Today really has been no better, and a few people I work with have turned round and said I just need to leave. To be honest I just don't feel any passion for that place anymore. On a lighter note, considering contacting the CAB, and looking to go down to London for two week at the end of this month to see old friends and look for work.

Sadly working tomorrow 8 while 5 but looking forward to a nice romantic evening in :-)

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bah [29 Dec 2007|09:58pm]
[ mood | bah ]

I have a bumper pack of malteasers and a large bottle of neat vodka, god im a happy bunny....

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he empties his sack but once a year.... [26 Dec 2007|08:31pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So, its been a while, kind of ended up going off the rails so to speak the last week, what with orginaly finding out Id lost my job and they wanted me to quit on Christmas Eve, to then have it extended but to only the 5th Jan, and on top of that as of Christmas even to find out that the only other bloke that was being let off too has been offered a job in the photographic department. Well. Put it this way, Ive drank half a stone in beer and feel worse for it. But alas, there is a bottle of beer next to me as I type this. Perhaps I am an alco? or just need that beer belly. Suppose should don the speedo's in the new year and start heavy into the water sports (non yellow type I may add) in the new year.

The weekend, was spent in good company, out friday night with becky from work but cut short due to a stomach bug then out with the fella to see the rather ammusing re-working of St Trinians after a lovely meal out. Sadly the rest was cut short by having to return to work for sunday, to follow then onto monday.

Anyway so yes, c24th came and went, work was evil mad panic rush and the evening I came home and fell asleep face down on the bed with the laptop next to me and a cola in one hand.Waking Christmas day, once all up gifts were exchanged. A new dvd/VHS combo, a series of great books, including Thursbitch which I must admit I was going to buy tomorrow with any cash left from buying gifts myself. The usual socks and 'new-man' products as well as a few cds, dvds and worryingly enough two calenders. Am I suppose to be that much of a social butterfly in 2008?

After this family came and drinking started all over again, by 7pm we were all rather merry and started to play 'family board games'. Which ended in a lot of non aggressive shouting, drunken giggling and rude worded answers...

Today was a rather nulled day, waking with a slight man-flu one has hit the canvas a few times and carried on with a painting started in August. A brief nap and just watching of the usual crap on tv.

Not sure what 2008 will bring after leaving boots, don't want to head back into retail immediatly, going to try and find work in the arts somewhere, somehow, anyone know of ought? (willing to relocate) though saying that I don't mind working part time in some sort of small or unusual boutique...am I living in a dream world? or do I actually deserve some luck for the new year, as to be honest, right now, im back to just giving up.

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Working 9 till never... [20 Dec 2007|09:55pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

So, this year, for Christmas, I will be, jobless...Who'd have thought my life could get any more like a 'story' than a page lifted out of a Christmas Carol so to speak. So anyway, yesterday boots told me the multi million company couldn't afford to pay me so are letting me off, on Christmas Eve. So I am jobless and possibly penniless. This meant that last night we headed to the pub and I got right royally rat arsed. This is possibly because I am still feeling rather shite and down over it.

So anyway, work today was interesting, basically telling people, getting hugs, even my managers didn't know. The evening has been a change from really what I had wanted to happen so just sat watching shit tv with a bottle of wine feeling still,w ell you guessed it. We were still drunk this morning when we got to work...wups....

Tomorrow is day off, so into town in the afternoon and meet Becky for painting the town red again in the evening. Not sure whats happening re-rent might be able to cut it off for a little while rather than face trying to find money in savings for moving. Think I will bugger off to france come the new year for a bit and travel on the cheap and then more determened now to move out of this shit tip by summer...

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[20 Dec 2007|02:30am]
So Im ipisseed off, ive lost my job, possibly homeless come new year come  making of rent and had a enough...

tempted to just fuck off now come jan 5th with no forarwding address and fuck everyone....
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Santa baby, spank me under the tree, you see.... [18 Dec 2007|08:23pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So, after getting in from last night completeley shattered one got rather stonkingly tipsy on wine and ended up passing out curled up to music and a cushion around 11pm. Sadly waking up to a missed message from the other half and then unable to sleep for an hour or so. The bed feels so big at the moment. Anyway, time for an update I think...

Work, well as anyone can gather, working in retail and the silly season don't mix. Its a bugger, we're having cues that are huge, last hours then we're left knackered. Yesterday I only got one break all day. But I suppose at the moment it pays for the bills/rent,presents and booze. Randomly the job that I didn't think would take me on past Jan 5th asked me if I wanted more hours come the new years so I maybe stuck in boots for a while yet, though a significant reduction in hours so I can actually go look for textile work, visit galleries and do textile work. Aim for new year is to buy a small loom as well as a mercury lamp (money does grow on trees right?) and teach myself oddly again to knit after years of neglect.

Friday night was the works meal...the food was shockingly bad, never visiting El Pasa again in sheffield, 5 of us ended up with dicky stomachs though the beer flowed and I left around 11. Saturday back into work in the day then met the other half and off to VNV Nation for the evening, they were ok, well to be honest they were good but, but deffintley went to see In the Nursery. Least VNV played some of their older stuff and quite happily got bopping along. They held the crowd well and though the sound system was a bit poor as usually is in Corp thye had a good show. Though halfway through the night one did have to chuckle when realised that everyone around me (and myself included) resembled nodding dogs to the music...bless the bleep crowd... Anyway, a bit of a random night at the after party. Bumpage and chattage to some good friends not seen in yonks before retiring to bed.

Up sunday and reluctantly off to work. Sunday was like saturday, manic, least sunday night was spent in the pub with mates catching up and organising the week ahead.

Skipping monday as it was uneventful. Today one returned to the hospital after being referred again this time to the orthapedics. It looks as if from X-rays done today (it took 15 minutes to get four Xrays...I nearly broke their machine and the printer wouldn't print my stuff!) it looks as if most if not all the problems stem from an abnormal elbow joint that grew after the arm was shattered all those years ago. It seems the pain and strains are caused by my minimal movement at the elbow and compensation of the lower arm to a radius.  However the US scan showed no reason for my nerve damage so as well as being booked into the elbow specialist sometime in the new year. I am down for a MRI brain and neck scan, to see, in all honesty if everything is 'alright up' there'...

Back this afternoon and between catching up on sleep and dying some material one re-dyed my hair again, again with henna, more red than last time, well a more so, orange-red...nearly tried with the addage of weld to make it more yellow brown in it then thought the Jimmy Saville look is probably not a stunning one on me...Back to work tomorrow...

Still just in the mood to be snogged and cuddled...

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[17 Dec 2007|10:55pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Today one turned into a proper 'trolley dolly' type working on cosmetics and perfume...well before telling a lass how to choose the best durex condoms and toys for what she wanted...which worryingly enough after she sought the advice she was more embareased than I possibly should have been...im still proclaiming innocence....and a pure mind of such a tender age...

god im bored. Wheres someone to come and seduce you when you need it...or to seduce for that matter

...proper update tomorrow, can't be arsed to have a proper one now.

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Within and without you [13 Dec 2007|06:28pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So, back to work again, sadly today should have been my day off, but alas they have changed my job again (I am now a tiller) as one has become an insureance liability it seems. Anyway, I was rather looking forward to either having today or tomorrow off so I could actually do something called sleep, redye the hair more red and also do some painting but alas a possibility that wasn't so. Instead I was for seven hours asking customers for advantage cards and pushing cosmetics. Is it wrong to a degree however I found it amusing that I had a bloke come up and buy, besides a pack of condoms, some deoderant and gum, a pack of skittles...(why the skittles? did I miss something with the forray into sex and food?) to then only be followed by four lasses (in two seperrate groups of twos) to be buying pregnancy testers and asking where the nearest loo's were...got to love this fair city (the fact that none looked over the age of 20 was slightly worrying.

Anyway, after last nights little mission to the Dove and a natter with a few mates over dirty fish and lots and lots of bad jokes one headed home and passed out feeling rather alone. The same tonight with a bath soon, tea and then bed. Work tomorrow (I had hoped for the day off), saturday and sunday too.

Least when one came home today a brown package had arrived. Though not mentioning any names on the inside to whom could have sent it other than a brief letter of 'If you ever need to practice' one has aquired a series in the toybag collection on wax though really can't be sure whom it is from and theres about 5 people it could be (even if it is them)...I think I know whom it is from and a returned present of a night at T.G could be due in the new year.

Work meal tomorrow night then out saturday to VNV...so god knows when im going to actually rest...

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[12 Dec 2007|11:16pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

One feels rather depressed.

though one is hiding it well...

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[11 Dec 2007|10:29pm]
[ mood | amused ]

OMG! Wordy is on tv.....the maaaaaaagic e....time to 'drop that e' as I was told so many times in the 80s by wordy and that song

now all I need is through the dragons eye and its my childhood all over again... though the question is raised, why where I never scared by an orange floating hoover with words stuck to it?

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So im not pregnant... [10 Dec 2007|08:10pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So anyway, what a rather random couple of days. Last week was a bit of a no brainer in regards to work. One being unable to move three fingers for most of the week and it seizing up each day no later than about 8pm meant that one was not able to work and so was signed off sick. Work obviously didn't enjoy this and I am hoping to soon be leaving. Though saying that, a chat with a few people and being truthful to myself I recon if I am to stay in this country I will possibly have to move down south (London) anyway to find work or at least decent and continious work without being a full-time tutor. So a few chats with friends in the capital and looks like I maybe flat sharing from March/April if that goes a head.

Last wednesday evening was the Damned gig at Plug. It was great fun, I know they can sometimes be hit and miss but to be honest they played a really good set and had some decent and fun burlesque dancers before hand. Friday evening was a return to my childhood and the city of synth with the Human League at the city hall. It was great to see them again and good fun was had with them playing DARE in full before a mixture of greatest hits. It still makes me laugh though that a song potentiouly to do with the end of the world got such a large cheer here, though is it much of a surprise in a city that saw the making of Threads? Back to work saturday sadly when I would have rather stayed in the presence of the company from the night before and onto a slight bollocking about being 'ill'. Sunday again at work and chilling out yesterday evening.

Today saw a return to the hospital for the Ultrasound on my arms. From initial observations it appears I have a ganglion  in the wrist itself that will need to either be removed via operation or whacked into submission (possibly malot styley) as well as the onset of arthritus in the fingers all to be looked at and sorted out in the new year as well as anything else the US scan shows up that the rather useless bloke (not even a doctor) who did my scan today couldn't be arsed to tell me. I swear I got more useful information of the nurse than him, every question I asked was greeted with a responce of 'Oh just ask your doctor'...Anyway back and after a slight nap one returned to painting before the fingers got painfull again and now stopped. Relaxing again with some melon and lime wine and off tomorrow so return to painting, sadly I've stupidly also agreed in hanging up some yule lights on the house....hmmmm. Oh booked tickets for VNV Nation also this weekend. Bit bleepey I know, but anyone else going?

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